How to Approach a Woman When You're Drunk

Step One:  Walk Away.  Do NOT approach a woman when you're drunk.

Step Two:  In the event you did not heed the advice of Step One, please read the vignette below.

Last night, my mom and I went out to dinner at one of the local steakhouses.  As we were waiting for valet to bring the car, a gentleman walked out of the establishment, looked me up and down, licked his lips and said, "ooohhhhwee girl, I'd love a thick girl like you in my life."  Did I mention that I was with my mother?

He then leans into me, grabs me around my waist, and pulls me toward him.  His face is a mere inches from mine.  I'm looking for a clear escape route.  Intoxicated, he slurs how pretty I am to look at. Sigh.   Did I mention that I was with my mother?

I uncurl his arm from around my waist and wonder how long it's going to take the valet guy to bring me my car.  He then turns to my mom (Did I mention that I was with my mother?) and says, "your daughter sure is pretty.  I mean no disrespect, but damn." 

He then insists that I take his number down and give him a call.  And, by insist, I mean he hovers over me, refusing to walk away until I indulge in this request.  So, breaking my second rule, I do.

At that moment, the valet brings sweet refuge, my car.



Evelyn Parkside