The Question: "Can We Get Married in the next Three Weeks?"

The answer: "Um, no."

So in my quest for finding love in 2011, I am making good on my promise to 1) give my number to whomever asks and 2) give everyone who asks me out one fair shot. Why? Because according to the internet I'm single and every year my chances of finding love decrease every hour.

Tonight I had a date. Honestly, it was pretty uneventful. Well, uneventful if you consider me being asked to elope in the next month; having to ignore a true hottie-mctottie who kept staring at me; and, being asked if I minded being woken up for sex after 11:00 pm.

My date, the schlump, was a nice guy. Nice, but clearly wife-hunting (which he also reminded me was his duty by God and I, evidently, am the Eve to his Adam). While I'm all about eternal love til' death do us part, my benchmarks for marriage are as follows:

Q1) If we were being chased by a wild black bear while hiking in Vermont, are you strong enough to stave off said bear while I run for the car?

A1) I don't think so. The schlump is kind of chubby, which is ok, so I think he would be good chewin' for the bear, but not really a match in terms of sheer, brute strength.

Q2) Could I imagine myself kissing you with my eyes open?

A2) Definitely not. I can't even imagine myself imagining you kissing me without breaking out into hives.

Q3) Are you crazy like a loon or crazy like a fox.

A3) I'm going with crazy like a loon for this one, referenced by the serious question about us eloping and the hinting around that I might be "cooking dinner and spending the night" in the next week or so.

Disregarding all of that, the date was better than I expected.

Verdict: Not in love yet, but there are still 300+ days in 2011.